Hope(ful)

When I wrote this blog post about our miscarriage experiences I shared that while in the midst of our second miscarriage I would not lose faith. To be honest I did not lose faith this last year, I never stopped believing in God. However my heart grew distant from God and I did lose sight of hope. I felt betrayed and I couldn’t help but ask the “Why me?” question. In a previous post I have shared that though I aspire to suffer well. I lack trust during the stormy seasons.

 

Throughout this last year and a half, God has continued to extend grace to me even though I did not ask for it and I did not deserve it. I did not wake up one day to realize I had hope again. Instead it came about slowly as God pursued my heart and as Paul continued to encourage me and point me towards the cross.

I do feel hopeful again and in a way that feels more grounded. I do not feel hopeful that we will get pregnant and have a child. I am hopeful though that God will grow our family and I strive to stay open to what that could look like.

Over the last few months, I have had a song stuck in my head. Some mornings I wake up singing bits and pieces. Other days I catch myself humming the tune as I walk to the bus stop or stand in line at Starbucks. On one hand the lyrics are a good synopsis of the Gospel, on the other hand it is a simple reminder that in Christ alone my hope is found – Christ my cornerstone and my comforter.

Here is the song in its entirety.

In Christ Alone
(Keith Getty & Stuart Townend)

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I stand