Day 10 - Checking In

I feel so thankful for the emails, texts, phone calls, prayers, etc this last week! Today I actually felt human. No weird physical jitters, no headaches, no nothing!

In general, during the past week, each day has been an improvement on the last. The physical side effects have decreased significantly which is great.

Paul mentioned last night that during this last week when I was in the first few days of no medications in my body - I was in no way like myself. I cried if he looked at me oddly. Or we'd be laughing about something silly, but then in the next moment I would think the topic was hurtful and start crying out of no where.

I am very appreciative of the community that we've enjoyed this last week. On Saturday we spent the evening at our friends Mark and Marin's and had our new friends Darrick & Beckyjo join us for a fun evening of food and games (one of which was an awesome game of telephone with the little ones). On Sunday we went to lunch with people from our new church community and in the evening we did a dinner with our community from our old church.

It is a blessing to not only have a wonderful husband who has walked down this same path that I am currently treading on, but also to have such great community to share this experience with.

I am feeling very hopeful as I press forward!

Day 3

Well, taking my last post into account, it may seem like a good idea to rid of all toxins in my body. Okay, that could be a hard venture because I am not sure of what all is a toxin!

I have however been in the process during most of 2011 to taper off of my anti-depressant - Effexor XR. I originally started this drug 7 years ago! About 4.5 years ago I made a similar attempt to stop taking the drug. I honestly have little recollection of how that went. I know I tried to do it in a shorter amount of time and I also know that I wasn't "off" the drug for very long before starting it again. I wish I had taken better notes.

After doing a very slow and very gradual taper of the drug, I am on day three of not having it in my system and it absolutely sucks. I have been thinking something is wrong with me. I had been thinking of just starting the medication again, but then I started doing some Google searching on the effects of tapering off Effexor XR and it is pretty disheartening and astounding. By far, my side effects seem manageable compared to others.

Effects that I am feeling:

• Bradycardia - Heart Rate is slowed from 72 beats per minute, which is normal, to below 60 beats per minute in an adult.
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Light Headed
• Anxiety
• Confusion
• Crying Abnormal: Though I would say my crying is justified, Paul has a different perspective ;)
• Jitteriness
• Irritability
• Electric Shocks - this is the hardest to describe, the best I found is that it is an electrical jolt feeling that tends to run from the base of the neck up to the lower part of the skull.

I read tonight (and I don't have an actual source) that 1 out of 10 people are unable to get off of antidepressants due to the withdrawals. I googled "Tapering Off Effexor XR" and reading other's experiences has been pretty intense.

I'm optimistic but definitely in need of prayer (as is Paul) as we go through this process.

Living a Sugar Free Life

Is sugar toxic? Well, there is a lot of debate out there. Earlier this year, Paul and I read this article in the NY times and decided that we needed to cut down our sugar consumption.

That effort wasn't very productive for us. We made a couple of small changes, mostly around buying processed foods (specifically granola bars). But, offer us a cookie and we were all yours.

Fast forward a few months.

I had been steadily gaining weight the last three years - averaging about 10lbs a year. At first it didn't feel like a big deal because I figured the weight was manageable. But, then I hit an all time high and the weight gain didn't feel manageable anymore. I felt imprisoned because I felt powerless. I tried counting calories and lost 3lbs and then gave up.

Well, it was June and I was unhappy with my weight, but more unhappy about the power I had given food. Enter Elyse!

Elyse and her husband showed up one evening to our community group. As soon as she mentioned that she did nutrition and personal training I wanted as far away from her as possible, and yet at the same time was absolutely intrigued.

In July, Paul and I decided we would go to Europe with no hindrances, but I knew when I came home, I needed to get serious about my weight.

Elyse took one look at my food journal and said adios to sugar. On Saturday July 23, no sugar seemed very doable. I mean, how much sugar could I possibly intake? By July 26, the jury was in. I felt HORRIBLE! It was like caffeine withdrawals to the 10th degree. Finally, on the following Sunday, I began feeling human again. How Paul lived through that week, still baffles me.

What does life without sugar look like? Well, first take a look in your cupboards - I bet you don't know just how much sugar you consume! One serving of milk typically has 12 grams of sugar. Natural Peanut Butter typically has 1-2 grams of sugar per serving. Spaghetti Sauce can start around 4 grams per serving and then climbs drastically per brand. Salad dressing? Often more sugar than anything else! Then there is the cabinet full of sugar I had (and you may too): white cane, light brown, dark brown, honey, powdered, agave etc. Basically there is a lot of sugar lurking in our home.

I think a sugar free life is pretty impossible. But I am living a drastically less-sugar life. I drink unsweetened soy milk, I limit most servings of foods to 2-3 grams of sugar, and typically no more than 2 servings of fruit a day.

And you know what? I've lost weight, 15lbs to be exact. But there is more to it. I have more energy. Paul is always commenting that I am less cranky in general. He would also love for me to point out that my headaches/migraines have all but disappeared. Generally, I have a better quality of life.

So is sugar toxic? I don't know! I'm not a doctor! But, reducing it drastically in my life has been significant.

And as a side note, if you're in the Seattle area and looking to jump start eating changes or weight loss - Elyse is your gal!

Blogging To-Do List

Topics I have on my mind:

• 7 weeks Sugar Free (and staying strong)
• Life without a counseling job (and where I have found my identity)
• Life without school - exploring hobbies (old +new)
• Finding a new church community
• Marriage: Life after year 1

As a side note, Paul needed to set up a Twitter account to do some testing for work. And so, he set it up for our dog Charlie. You can follow her here: http://twitter.com/#!/CharlieTheLab

Just something to make you smile :)

Thanks for being patient as I get back into the groove of blogging again!

Ode to July

Simply put, July was one of the best months of my life!

The first day of the month was a celebration of the marriage of two wonderful friends - Chris & Lydia! C&L had a fun photo booth set up and this was one of my favorite photos with our friends Kate & Jake.

About a week later, Paul and I ventured off to Europe together! We decided London & Paris would be a great excuse to celebrate my graduation, Paul's new job, and an early 1 year anniversary - basically any reason we could find to celebrate!

I sometimes still have a hard time believing that I was there! I have always dreamed of London & Paris, and I was not disappointed. Thankfully I took 845 pictures just in case I needed proof of our adventure!

London was a whirlwind. We stayed at a marvelous hotel, thanks to a family connection. We spent time with Paul's dear friend (and brother) Peter. Saw Wicked the musical. Walked and walked.

Paris. Paris was magical and whimsical! It was everything I hoped it would be and often times felt surreal! Paul and I ate in abundance. I drank wine like I never thought I would (practically with every meal). Pain au Chocolat was a favorite snack of mine. We frolicked through the city. Saw an old friend from college. Enjoyed each other's company. Laughed when it rained and we felt like the only tourists out. Were in awe at the churches we stood in front of. We enjoyed conversing with our waiters and learning that saying "its cool" is very French! Loved turning down "streets" only wide enough for two people walking side by side, but full of hidden treasures. Meandering through the city was a favorite.

It didn't feel like long though before we found ourselves heading back home and back to reality which had its pros and cons :) Con - reality doesn't include Paris!

I celebrated 5 years with my organization the YW by taking a new position. For the first time I have not been working in direct service with clients and have been loving it! A much needed break from what I had been doing over the years.

The last day of July, Paul had teamed up with our friend Miranda to throw me a surprise party for graduation. I have always wanted a surprise party (I love them, Paul... does not!). And I was truly shocked! I am pretty sure this is one of the few times in life that I felt so speechless! It was so much fun to celebrate the end of a LONG journey!

That Paul is one sneaky guy! I love him!

Here is a photo of us right off the Tube in London at our Hotel!

June in a nutshell

Well... I hope the suspense wasn't killing you - but I did graduate with my Master's on June 10th! Paul and my mom did a little conspiring and was ultimately surprised with my mom flying in from Alaska for the special day. Here are a couple pictures!

A shout out to Katie and Lauren for joining in on the festivities of the day!

And here we have my fabulous cohort of friends who I have spend the last 3 years growing with!

June also brought a fun get away with a group of friends to Sequim Washington where we rented a big ol house. We kayaked, ate lots of bad-for-you food, hot-tubbed, played lots of games, saw deers and seals, played on a zip line, visited hurricane ridge, and had a few delightful naps!

June was generally a month of celebrating life and friends

Graduation: Now & Then

The year was 2000. You remember it don't you? We were all in a panic about Y2K and the downfall of all our computer based systems! This was also the year I graduated high school! I couldn't find a picture from the actual day... at least not a digital photo. Did digital even exist back then? Look at this super cute senior picture I found! How could you not love those bangs!

Anyways, I am pretty sure that the day we moved to Big Lake, Alaska (age 10) I began looking forward to turning 18 and graduating high school. I was not happy about the small town move - not that Anchorage was exactly a metropolis... but beggars could not be choosers.

Graduation was an exciting and nervous time. I knew that in three months I would be heading to Seattle to start college. So even though I had NO idea of what to expect from college life, I did know that the next four years of my life were planned out. I could be nervous... but not fearful. I could wonder about college life but not be consumed by uncertainty. It was an exciting moment to graduate high school! There were some equally hard moments as for the first time in my life I said my goodbyes without knowing the full weight of moving on. Some friendships have remained, others I was only able to see again once or twice before they passed away.

Fast forward to 2004:

Absolute fear! That is the honest truth! After four years in Seattle, I loved this town. I honestly couldn't imagine moving back to Big Lake, but I also didn't have much hope that Seattle would work out.

I was graduating with an obscure degree - whoops! I was also jobless. Thankfully I had the summer figured out. I had saved money all year (and then made out like a bandit with monetary gifts), I had a place to live for cheap, and 10 whole hours a week dedicated to watching a couple of boys. My main goal - find a job!

August was quickly ending and my rental situation was almost up and I had no job. Yikes! I still felt like Seattle was the place for me. I took a leap of faith. I secured an apartment, with the help of my parents I had the move in costs and one month rent paid. Suddenly, a phone call came for a job position I had interviewed for and didn't get. They had a sudden opening in one of their other offices and was I still interested? Yes of course! That phone call began my journey into adulthood in the "big city".

2011 - A 3 Year Journey

In four short days, I graduate with my Master's in School Counseling. How did 3 years of coursework come down to only 4 days remaining?

In 2007, after having worked in social services for a year and a half, I decided a change was needed. I knew that I wanted to work with youth, but I also knew that I did not want to continue with Social Work. I settled on the idea of School Counseling - that way I would have the opportunity to work with students from all types of backgrounds and with differing needs.

So I applied, tested, interviewed and was finally accepted. I figured here goes nothing, and I kissed the idea of meeting someone goodbye. I was a student again! Well, God has rocked my world quite a bit these last few years. I have met some amazing women through this counseling program that will be friends for life! I met an amazing man who is also a keeper! I have fallen in love with a career path.

With four days left until graduation, my emotions have been a roller coaster. I am of course excited by the prospect of graduating - isn't this what you look forward to the day you receive that acceptance letter (or email)? I am saddened by the loss of routine and consistency. As a student, I know exactly what is expected of me. For some reason, I am nervous about shifting into a new chapter of marriage - Paul has only ever known me as a student. I am antsy about the job market - or the lack of jobs. I am also disheartened that those that have been my support network in school the past few years - those that have understood how absolutely difficult year 2 was - will not be making regular appearances as we no longer have classes to bind us together.

Bittersweet. That is how I sum up this graduation (perhaps my last one). I am thankful though for my wonderful community and that husband of mine - who didn't let me drop out after year one.

Paul you have been an amazing support, a continual source of wisdom and encouragement, and you have loved me through the easy and hard times. I know that I would not be graduating this week if it were not for your presence in my life. I am so blessed that God brought us together!