FOMO

Fomo (via UrbanDictionary.com)

noun
a state of mental or emotional strain caused by the fear of missing out.
• Evolutionary biology - an omnipresent anxiety brought on by our cognitive ability to recognize potential opportunities
• A form of social anxiety - a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity or satisfying event, often aroused by posts seen on social media websites.
ORIGIN: acronym from FEAR OF MISSING OUT

The first time I heard the term FOMO I realized that is me (Charity) in a nutshell. This Fear of Missing Out started in college. I was anxiety ridden that I might miss out some event or some gathering of friends. I would have the hardest time closing my dorm room door. If the door was open, others would know I was in my room and available to hang out. A closed door meant they might forget about me. Actually maybe my issues aren't around missing out, they are about being forgotten about.

Ten years after college, I have found another avenue to plug into these fears, and that is on Facebook. I have this almost compulsive behavior around Facebook. I am chronically checking it to see what others are doing, is there anything that I am missing out on? And then when I do see something that I think I should have been included in, my feeling are hurt. It is a weird lose-lose cycle.

The weird part, I have a great life. Sure it is not perfect, but it is my crazy imperfect, wonderful life with an amazing husband and a super cute dog.

I think for the longest time, I have been telling myself that Facebook is a source of community. But when I deactivated my account last month, there were probably close to 500 "friends" and that is not my community. Case in point, as I have been struggling these past six months with our 2.5 year journey with infertility, Facebook wasn't a safe place I felt I could put those hurts or be honest. So what is the point? Good question, I'm not sure. In the last month though, I have heard from about 6-7 friends out of 500 to see how I am doing. That is my community.

So while I'm off of Facebook, I'm thinking a lot about what my presence will be going forward. Paul and I talk about doing a joint account together, or I am thinking about narrowing down my friend group to the 50's. Or, do I want to be on Facebook at all? Does not being on Facebook, force people to pursue me and vice-versa? Does it allow me to live my life more authentically (the good, the bad, the ugly) and walk along side others that are living their life authentically? 

I suppose I still have a few more weeks to think this through :)