{insecure}

I have been carrying a weight. It has been a sensation that has settled into my chest, adjacent to my heart. I thought it was anxiety. That I have been worrying about too many things. I have worried about my role as mother and what the future holds for me as a school counselor. I have worried about my role as a wife and my role as a daughter of God. There are choices upon me and decisions to make. I worry about making the wrong decision. That I could mess something up, mess myself up, or mess up another person.  

{April Reflections}

Wow, April got away from me and now May is picking up speed. I had such good intentions for my April Goals and other than what I read, I did not make very much progress. I am hoping that May goes a bit better, I mean it has to, it is my birthday month J

{March Reflections}

Can I just say, I am thrilled to see March fade away? What a tough month! March is the longest month of school/work without any type of break. Student behavior seems to intensify during the month. Staff gets grumpy. Sickness has been running rampant in the Oremland household. The bright spot has been the sunshine. It has been so lovely to see so much blue sky. 

Okay, onto reflecting!

{haves & gets}

I am stubborn and I am selfish.

I have known that I was stubborn since I was young. I have heard this from my parents, from friends, my sister, and my husband. I get it. I think stubborn can be good, and of course it can have negative implications.

I have a harder time resonating with the fact that I am selfish. I have always considered myself a fairly good person, which left little room in my mind for being selfish. It was not very far into my relationship with Paul where he told me I was being selfish. I could not believe it! There was no way he could be right, but he was. Our relationship, and then our marriage was an eye opener to my selfish ways.

{Elijah James - 1 Year Old}

Elijah James, you are 1 Year Old!

Elijah your 12^th month of life has been extraordinary! At the end of January we could see you trying to figure out if you could move from place to place without holding on to anything. You would stretch your arms out wide and very cautiously transfer between objects. On February 2^nd you took a leap of faith and took your first few steps without holding onto anything. Your first steps were cautious but by the next day you were walking all over your classroom at school. After those first few cautious steps you never looked back. All you want to do is walk, walk, walk. Now it seems like you're even trying to run. Every day you get more confident with your walking. It has been amazing to see how quickly you made the change.

{February Reflections}

Well, just as I expected, February was a crazy month! I knew that with traveling and planning my son's 1st birthday I would need to keep my goals as simple as possible.

{give me all that you have}

I would say in the last few years, my heart towards God has been reduced in size. I have felt angry and hurt over the miscarriages I had experienced. I was angry that he continues to allow suffering in my life - because hello - have I not experienced enough in this lifetime? It has been hard for me to trust God, and to hope in God. I have had a small heart and dare I say, I have been hard-hearted.